I had my day today with Brenda and her family. It was kinda nice in the start, everything went smoothly.. But I don't feel like how I use to feel Brenda last time, 2months ago... Sigh... When going to the dinner, during and after... I dont feel really in the mood... Felt like neglected. Actually had been feeling neglected for the past 2 months and with the now brenda, it doesn't get any better. I felt that I have no chance to say to her or she doesn't want to stick to me... Even when I had something to say... She just blow me off and gives me the feeling of she's not interested. Don't bother listening... And kinda give me a (pissed cum unhappy) look whenever I shared my feelings to her. And avoid it sometimes. I dont feel her love... Really i don't... For the whole night, thoughts were running in and out of my mind.. My parents... And mostly about us... There was even this time Brenda was just acting so immature... Just want to have fun, like the literally happiness(physically?) idk how to describe... while I was sitting there on the jetty thinking abt so many stuffs and I even had this feeling of tearing. Because maybe I thought of how was she like before, just so all over me and how was she like now don't take me as important anymore... And I find that how Brenda behaves and how I behave or wanted her to behave... Isn't right... We are far apart... Very far... And I really can't live in this r/s with me dont care abt anything and how Brenda is now, she really had change.... And hope she would become herself back when she was 2 months ago.... Sigh.. If not I don't know how long could I last, with her... I think maybe it's just too much for me to take her change... Sigh.... And seriously... I'm not fine... Im really not... 我其实很伤心, 我不知我还可以陈到及时。