Don't knnow what would bring me to blog abt what I had done just now...

I became so down, don't know what could I do anymore, it's really going down...

I went to the temple with dad today. Well dad wants to thank god that he has heal from his long termed illness and could live normally from now on. For me, dad wants me to follow him, so I followed, as dad has just recovered, still abit unstable.
Reaching the temple, I suddenly felt that I could use this chance to relay my r/s problem to someone. So, I picked up a joss stick and lit it up. Normally it won't take long for me to say my prayers, helping me being well behave and helping me do good in studies. But this time I took an extra few minutes to pray, idk really know what am I doing actually, but I just thought I could do at least something abt my r/s at that point of time.

I prayed... Prayed to someone I belived that lived above the sky that would give me some guidance and guide me to what I could do, what can I still belived in, what love is about and hoping that he could heal my numbed and cold heart.

Omg, I just reslised that what I've said was kind dumb and stupid. But that was the least I could then and I want to write it down. Because this time I felt different when I was praying... Don't know whether is it good or bad, but it just felt different...


Well... Things arn't going well, not at all... Sigh...

I felt I occupy less then 5% of that heart that I used to be valued more.
I no longer bear thoughts of high hopes.
Just hope something could happen...