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, Sunday, October 31, 2010 Y Don't knnow what would bring me to blog abt what I had done just now...
I became so down, don't know what could I do anymore, it's really going down... I went to the temple with dad today. Well dad wants to thank god that he has heal from his long termed illness and could live normally from now on. For me, dad wants me to follow him, so I followed, as dad has just recovered, still abit unstable. Reaching the temple, I suddenly felt that I could use this chance to relay my r/s problem to someone. So, I picked up a joss stick and lit it up. Normally it won't take long for me to say my prayers, helping me being well behave and helping me do good in studies. But this time I took an extra few minutes to pray, idk really know what am I doing actually, but I just thought I could do at least something abt my r/s at that point of time. I prayed... Prayed to someone I belived that lived above the sky that would give me some guidance and guide me to what I could do, what can I still belived in, what love is about and hoping that he could heal my numbed and cold heart. Omg, I just reslised that what I've said was kind dumb and stupid. But that was the least I could then and I want to write it down. Because this time I felt different when I was praying... Don't know whether is it good or bad, but it just felt different... Well... Things arn't going well, not at all... Sigh... I felt I occupy less then 5% of that heart that I used to be valued more. I no longer bear thoughts of high hopes. Just hope something could happen... published @ 7:19 PM , Thursday, October 21, 2010 Y I had enough... This would might be the last post of my blog. As this blog was created for the ups and downs for me and my dearest.
Trust is to be given then gained. I had learnt this... But once given, please don't betray and lose it. You had lost it... I don't want to lie to myself anymore. Lying to myself again and again that your excuses are reasons for me to belive. Every "I Love you" I hear from you. Makes my heart ache more... And every hurting moment makes my tears drop even more... My care is treated like a form of irritation. My concern is treated as dis-beliving. My love is taken granted for... I had given you my best... And now I had realise... It wasn't meant to be the best.. I no longer would care anymore... published @ 5:46 PM , Friday, October 8, 2010 Y I've beem watching the season 90210. It's a great show and I love it very much! Should have watched it earlier as you know... Time constrain and stuff... And while watching, how I wished! I would have a girlfriend like "Sliver". A very hot girl character in the show. And most important, she really loves her boyfriend.
I mean, really really in love! Of course! It's her first love afterall. Just how I'd wished.. Anyway.. I still love you. But uhm.. I'm kinda shack out this few days... Having insomnia, a really 'big' kind of insomnnia, having this very uneasy feeling going on in my heart.. And my eyes are kinda swollen.. I guess I'm a guy that looks fine and 'man' enough, but inside, soft like a sponge. I mean, I cried a few times during the past 4 days? While blogging, quarreling with parents and when I'm thinking of my baby... Sigh. I felt that we both.. Really had distanced apart.. But I hope baby, your love would not change and distanced. 11 more days to go.. Wouldn't even know how should I or us reacte when we see each other... Sigh.. And I really love you <3 published @ 8:20 PM , Tuesday, October 5, 2010 Y Hey... It's me.
I had enough already. Really.. I don't know what has gone wrong with baby. Seriously. She had been treating me like.... I don't know what has gone into her. She could say mean stuffs and just hurt me... I love her! I really do.. But why... why has she become like that...?! You said that it's your life. But baby, you told me that I was part in your life too.. Isn't it baby...? I feel like I'm no longer wanted in your heart... I am very hurt and sad... Really... Baby, you know what makes me go on? What keeps me going on in our relationship? It is because I truely love you! I really do. And when times are bad. You know what keeps me going on? tolerating and perservering and thinking tomorrow would be fine? It is because I LOVE YOU!! And even if the flaws, attitudes are great, it is still a part of you which I have too love. And I would never say give up. But baby.. Do you realise yourself? Us? Me? While you're in china? You remember the letter you gave me before you took the plane and what is written inside? Letter goes.. My dearest Belvin darling, HAPPY 10th Anniversary!! :D teeheeheez! I wanna tell you this before I leave for China! If not I might not have the chance to tell you how?! And you know this is so DAMN CUTE! <3 WO AI NI! Damn! T.T I am so gonna miss you for this ONE month and ONE week! Just can't wait to see you once again! Just go out and play all rights? Don't miss me too much, as I'll be back very soon! But I'll miss you though..... <3 <3 <3 Baby, we have walked for 10th months now, can't wait to walk down longer with you. Sorry for those unhappiness cause by me for those 10th months. I'll make sure I will be a better girlfriend when I'm back! All rights baby? I really love you! Please know! Really Really LOVE YOU! <3 And once again, HAPPY 10TH Anniversary baby! BRENDA <3 BELVIN ! With love and many hearts, BRENDA! <3 XOXO. _____________________________________________________________________________________ Baby... I really love you.. Don't make my heart ache anymore please... T.T published @ 7:10 PM |
Profile Me, Myself and I
 Hello! Glad to have you in my blog! Belvin Tay, 17 years old 05/12/1992 Hope you'll have a great time here! Happy guy, your typical guy. HAHA! :D I want to have FREEDOM someday! Totally free from resrictions! Have what I desire and what more? Just wants to spend his life with someone special <3. links
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